Thursday, September 18, 2008

Whoa ... Slow that Calendar Down!

Can someone slow these days down a bit? I have been behind in my postings as my son's deployment date nears closer and closer.

As the days are marked off the calendar, we try to do things with him as much as possible. I tell him "it's creating memories" and he smiles. I took him horseback riding the other day. I loved seeing his smiles. Yes, memories. (and my legs still hurt) I want to thank Jessica (our leader) for putting up with us even thought she was physically hurting at the time. It's o.k. I'll get those branches out of my hair someday. Now about those berries?.. hmm.

Today a young child approached me and looked up to me and said "You son army. He away. You cry." I then felt the burning in my eyes as the tears welled up, wanting to release, but I couldn't cry, not infront of this sweet child. I looked at him and tried my best to smile. But his glances travelled from my one eye to the other. He knew.

Today my son and I had been invited to attend a luncheon. It was a fabulous lunch, with many in attendance. Many faces I recognized, possibly from the past or through the media. I felt like royalty as they seated us at the head table. The voices were drowned out by the thoughts of packing... the thoughts of saying goodbye. (I had told my son thought I would never say "goodbye" to him... it would be "see you soon". Goodbye seems so final.) Proudly I watched over him as many people approached to speak with us. Every so often, in his familiar way, he'd give my arm a gentle pinch - a way of saying I love you.

It was so sad as we parted company there in the parking garage, to meet again up on base.

Where I'll sleep when I get up there, I don't know. I've been told the motels are all booked and the barracks are full. I'll sleep in the car if I have to.. I need to be there... for him.. for them.

This evening, feeling the stress, I walked into a neighbourhood bookstore and bought a familiar Tall Skinny Vanilla Latte (those names sure are hard to pronounce at times.) I walked around the bookstore aimlessly, almost like being in a daze. To not exit with a new purchase under my arm, I know something's not right. Then, on my way home, the tears started uncontrollably. I pulled over and phoned a fellow military mom. Through tears, we talked at lengths. Thank you J. for pulling me through. For a wee person, you have BIG shoulders. :)

Son, if you're reading this right now, I want you know that "I love you very much and I'm so very proud of you. And you're right: You work with the military over there and I'll work on it from this side of the world. Godspeed my love and Good Hunting Troops."


AirmanMom said...

Mom tears are the most beautiful, the most intense tears we shed!
I remember leaving my son at the hotel, the night before his departure for husband and I went to one of those weekday restaurant (Tuesday, Friday, Monday, who cares) I tried to order a Long Island Iced Tea...but I had a total eruption of tears when the waiter came to our table. He's looking at my husband with a "Is she OK?" look. When I asked him to sit down so I could talk with him about my world...he did so and then simply said he know his mom would be crying a river.
Time will march on. As the moments tick away, bringing deployment closer...the moments will then begin to tick away to bring the two of you together once again.
I, too am not a believer in saying "Good-Bye".. the end of every conversation with all four of my children, is "I love you".
Stay Strong!
Pray Hard!

~AirmanMom returning to her blog...

Dana said...

My thoughts and support are with you. My brother deployed a few weeks ago and we too spent as much time with him as possible before he left. Shortly after he arrived one of our local soldiers was killed, Cpl. Andrew Grenon so it has been a very emotional time for myself and my family. I am so proud of all our men and women over there and my heart goes out to every family member left here at home.