Saturday, December 05, 2009

Return and Lost

To all my readers...

Thank you so much for all the emails and comments. Yes, I still need to moderate the comments. Only 1% have been negative (these I still publish) however, there has been highly unappropriate comments made in regards to escorts, etc. on our fallen soldier entries. These I need to deal with.

Yes, my son has returned home! What an ecstatic night that was! As well, I know there was a loss experienced, as he returned without some of his friends-his family on his return flight.

For myself, I don't know what has been happening causing my blogging absence. How do families cope when deployment is over? I know there is obvious elation, and then there's this strange feeling I've never experienced before - a feeling of being lost? (Perhaps that's the wrong word.)However, during deployment, my committment had been to care packages, letters, and worry, worry, worry. Now, it's quiet. The shoulders are down, but the compassion remains for fellow families always. And as the tan coloured dust covered boots sitting near the door, there are the days of wonder ... I always wonder about "all the horrors of of war and loss of humanity" my son has seen and experienced. As a mother, I wish I could take some of that pain away.


anji said...

Your feeling of being 'lost' is not uncommon. Three years later, I still felt it. Now, we are separated (thanks to PTSD) and he is off on his third tour. It's a whole different set of emotions.

Me? I've decided to use my newfound freedom and ... join the forces!

can't imagine life without it... even with all of the sad things that go on.

Someone has to do it, right?

P.S. I still want to get those photos to you from last January/February of the funeral in northern Ontario. I need to (still) figure out how to get from my cell phone to the computer!

Clelia Costo said...

I am so touched by the honesty and depth of your post. Thank you for its beautiful thoughtfulness. And I am also so glad that your son safely home and that even in your celebration you are able to look at the sand-covered boots and imagine what he witnessed and experienced that was painful. To be able to hold all those contrasting emotions is a sign of true strength. My grandson is deployed until June. I too focus on the job of care packages and Facebook communications. Deployment is a strange thing - we must hold all the tension, the hope, the desire to make things better when they experience death of loved ones, and take care of ourselves in the midst of it all.
Thank you for shedding beautiful light on a difficult path.